An actual job posting you may not believe

I have edited out anything that would indicate where this originated. However, it is a message that was sent to me as a serious offering:

 

Our records show that you have experience relevant to one of my current openings.

Project / Program Manager (IS Project Manager Microsoft Deployment)
1 Month Contract
W2 Only

 

Please respond with a copy of your resume along with the rate you would require.


Description:
The IS Project Manager leads programs/projects from initiation to close within agreed constraints of time, budget and quality.   The PM ensures that programs / project meet intended objectives, establishes program governance, and ensures that business as well as IS stakeholders are appropriately engaged. The PM is responsible for risk management, is keenly aware of the benefits plan, and resolves or escalates identified risks and issues, as appropriate. The PM helps ensure that program and project teams adopt quality and compliance standards, policies and procedures, and supports project assurance activities. The role contributes to the development of a world-class project management capability through the promotion of best practice project management tools and methodologies. The resource is required to manage program/projects through agile or waterfall methodology.


Major Responsibilities:
·Status and progress report development; past accountabilities for the delivery of projects/programs on time, budget and quality expectations
·Scope definition and control 
·Customer Facing experience to as a primary point of contact for content agencies
·Experience managing multiple vendors to delivery timelines
Experience managing Change Programs for remote audiences. Change includes training and communications
·Working knowledge integrated systems 
·Working knowledge of Microsoft clients Win 7/8, o365, Microsoft 2013
·Experience managing issues, risks, assumptions and dependencies provide escalation where appropriate to enable visibility and resolution
·Identify / manage dependencies between projects (intra-program and across portfolio)
·Customer management; ensure that impact and changes resulting from projects/programs are effectively communicated to the business 
·Stakeholder management – responsible for steering / stakeholder meetings, communication of status, issues, risks.  Surface issues, risks that may impact intended outcomes, benefits, budget, scope, time. 
·Budget management: manage spend to plan, identify and execute opportunities for under/overspend
·Risk management:  Ensure effective risk management processes are in place and effectively used by work stream / project teams. Surface risks that may impact intended outcomes, benefits, budget, scope, time.   Effectively manage changes to project/program scope with appropriate governance
·Issue management across program:  Ensure effective issue management processes are in place and effectively used by work stream / project teams. Surface issues that may impact intended outcomes, benefits, budget, scope, time.   Effectively manage changes to project/program scope with appropriate governance
·Agile/Waterfall Methodology knowledge
·Communication plan, end user training documents build and delivery experience


Minumum Requirments:
·Evidence of delivering innovative solutions that have a major impact within the business area and organization
·Proven track record in delivering high risk program/projects and decision making
·Strong written and oral communication skills for a business facing audience
·Strong communication and relationship building skills
·Good stakeholder management and influencing skills
·Strong business engagement and business acumen with awareness of political/economic environment
·Experience working within a quality and compliance environment and application of policies, procedures and guidelines
·Experience with project change management/control processes
·Bachelor’s degree, preferably in Business or Information Systems


Preferred Background:
·Advanced degree
·Evidence of Pharmaceuticals acumen
·Large scale program management experience
·Cross-functional team experience
·Evidence of strong leadership
·Accomplished facilitation and negotiating skills

 
Secondary description:
Business Analyst acts to provide liaison support for IS projects that are critical to Commercial Operations Resource Allocation processes.
Serve as IS liaison between various stakeholders groups noted below

    • IS
      • Internal & external operations teams including Customer Service, Infrastructure, Architecture, IS leadership
    • Commercial Operations and core business functional areas:
      • Targeting & Alignment Directors and Managers
      • CRM business owners
      • Sales team leadership & support members
      • Insights and Analytics

 
 
Other Requirements to consider:
·         Critical needs:

  • Outstanding communication skills: written & verbal; understanding how to frame interactions appropriately toward the intended audience
  • Technical acumen – need not be a developer but exposure to and understanding of key concepts is required (SOA, data modeling, SQL, ETL etc.)
  • Ability to quickly grasp complex business processes and identify solution oriented opportunities
  • Ability to work independently and also to identify when to get help
  • Relationship management: ability to identify appropriate stakeholders and create value added relationships




Select form below to list as requirements or preferred Skills:
*** Consider adding a note to briefly describe the skill point specific to the role request:
 Core BA Analytical Skills:
Elicitation
Enterprise Analysis
Requirements Analysis
 Core Professional Skills:
Communications
Problem Solving
Customer Service
BPM: Business Process Management
Process Design
Transformation – Change Management
Driving Performance 

Business Acumen:
Pharmaceutical industry
Sales & Marketing
SDLC
Technical:
Database model / SQL
MS Office  / SharePoint

 
 If you are qualified, available, interested, planning to make a change, or know of a friend who might have the required qualifications and interest, please email me a copy of your latest resume, even if we have spoken recently about a different position. If you do respond via e-mail please include a daytime phone number so I can reach you.  In considering candidates, time is of the essence, so please respond ASAP.  Thank you.      

      Sincerely yours,
      
Note: Please allow me to reiterate that I chose to contact you either because your resume had been posted to one of the internet job sites to which we subscribe, or you had previously submitted your resume to Axelon. I assumed that you are either looking for a new employment opportunity, or you are interested in investigating the current job market.

If you are not currently seeking employment, or if you would prefer I contact you at some later date, please indicate your date of availability so that I may honor your request. In any event, I respectfully recommend you continue to avail yourself to the employment options and job market information we provide with our e-mail notices.
Thanks again.

 

I wrote back “Is this a joke?”